When you and your spouse aren’t on the same page with sleep training.

This is such a common issue I come across in the line of work I do. One spouse is really into the idea, they are ready to sleep train, they are so over having sleepless nights, they know exactly what they want to do and the other spouse is not on board at all. Now what?

So let’s talk about it, lay it all out on the table and see how to navigate this very common scenario that many coupes go through. 

Here are a few tips that will help you and your partner get on the same page with sleep training.

1. Sit down together & make a list
   Make a list of all the things that bother your partner about sleep training. Outline pros and cons and everything in between to really pinpoint what it is that your partner doesn't agree with.
   

2. Learn about sleep training together and speak to someone.

   Once you’ve made your list and hopefully pinpointed the issues, then I encourage you and your partner to learn about sleep training. Read, ask questions, speak to someone, whatever it takes for your partner to gain a better understanding of sleep training. Knowledge is key and the more we know what we’re doing and why, the less uneasy we are going to be about it.
   

   Knowledge is key and will help clarify and debunk any myths or concerns one might have about sleep training. Understanding what you're doing and why is crucial when making any big parenting decisions.
   

3. Agree on one thing that will help you meet in the middle
   
   Ok, so you and your spouse aren’t on the same page with sleep training. You’ve made your list of pros and cons and hopefully by now you’ve talked about it and are doing your research. But what now? 

   You have to start somewhere. Find a common ground, something that will help you meet in the middle. Something that you are both ok with and can work with. Find one thing that you both know needs to be changed, even if it’s something seemingly insignificant to you or your partner. Once you have one thing you can both agree on, one thing you are both ok with, then you have somewhere to start, something to work with! If you don’t have this then you will be stuck at square one and unable to move forward. 

4. Give your partner space to express feelings and acknowledge their feelings.
   
   Acknowledging your partner's feelings is key to moving forward. Allow them time and space to share how they feel in order to help them move past it and meet you half way. We don't want to be dismissive of their feelings, even if we don't agree with them. Acknowledging one's feelings is also a great way to make them feel heard and understood and you are more likely to gain their cooperation.
   

5. Offer to do the sleep training if they are reluctant to be a part of it.
   If you have the stamina and the ability to sleep train yourself and this is your only option, you can make it happen. Find a support person to help get you through it, someone you can check in with to keep you on the right track so that you don't feel like you're doing it totally alone.

So…

Write it down

Pinpoint the issue

Talk about it

Learn about it. 

Allow feelings and thoughts to be shared.

What do you do when your spouse tells you they will not be participating with sleep training but that you are welcome to do it yourself?

Believe it or not, this is something I come across often when working with people. One spouse is not on board, but they’re totally ok with their significant other doing the work. 

This can be really challenging for some since sleep training is often most successful when you have support, when you have someone you can rely on to take over if the going gets tough, and it can be especially challenging for someone if they themselves are having a hard time with sleep training. 

So what not?

Don’t worry, not all is lost and you have options!

Firstly, don’t let your partners decision not to be involved deter you from sleep training, you can do it!

Secondly, I recommend finding someone to support you through it whether it be a friend, a parent, a sibling, a sleep trainer, a cousin, whoever it is that you can  check in with who will help keep you on track, support you and lift you up if you feel like giving up or if you feel like it’s too challenging.

Thirdly, make sure you gather all your eggs in one basket before you start so that you are extra sure you have exactly what you need in order to sleep train. You need a good plan, good information, a conducive room set up, etc…

Take a deep breath. You got this and just focus on the end goal and know that it’s not too far out of reach. Focus on the why you are sleep training to begin with and of the changes that need to be made in order to have clarity when you start. And check in with your support person - whoever that may be. You can check in with me if you need to!

Have you ever sleep trained alone? Yes or no? Why or why not?

The bottom line…

It's normal to feel frustrated, lost or alone when your partner isn't on board with your parenting decisions, especially sleep training. Don't sit and fret about it - instead, acknowledge your feelings along with your spouse's, then actively decide that you will get through it and solutions will follow.

So what’s the one thing you and your partner have come to agree on? Maybe you haven’t figured it out yet and need help doing this. If so, reach out and I will help you find it.

What age did you sleep train your baby?

If you have questions and concerns about your child’s sleep, feel free to send me a message or book a free discovery call so that I can answer all of your questions.