Extinction bursts
Have you started out on your sleep training journey, made progress and then a few days in your baby, out of the blue, started screaming on the top of her lungs at bedtime or in the middle of the night? If so, don’t worry, this is normal, she is experiencing what is called an extinction burst.
So what exactly is an extinction burst?
Extinction bursts are heavy bouts of crying that happen when you stop reinforcing certain behaviors. This typically happens A few days into sleep training, when your child realizes that his behavior (crying for the paci, for a bottle, to nurse, demanding a snack, etc...) is no longer getting the response from you that it once did.
Maybe you’ve experienced this during sleep training, when you start, everything is going well, according to the plan, you are making progress and then BAM…all of a sudden one night, a few nights in, typically around night 5, your baby starts crying even heavier than he did when you started sleep training.
You probably panicked thinking what on earth happened? You may be have been tempted to give up or throw in the towel because after all, you are sleep training, you are not supposed to be taking 5 steps back! Or maybe you thought something was wrong with your child because of the sudden crying.
Are extinction bursts normal?
In fact, yes, they are normal and I will tell you why.
Because we have removed the reinforcer of your child’s behavior. We have eliminated the response that your child once used to get when he woke up crying expecting something (whether bottle, breast, paci, sippi cup, back rub, snack, etc…) And your child wants that response back stat! He realizes a few days in that you are no longer meeting his demands with the same old responses and he is not happy about it so he cries. He protests. He may shriek. He may carry on like this for a while until he gets the memo, until he learns that he doesn’t need those old responses and it is a learning process but he will get there with your help.
Who typically experiences them?
Any baby doing sleep training can experience an extinction burst, but I typically find it more common in babies 6 months and up.
How long do they last for?
It can take anywhere from a day or 2 to a week or more depending on how you respond. If you are going to respond with more support and comfort than your child really needs, then it can take longer for them to get over it, but if you continue on as normal as if nothing has changed in the sleep training method (and no, this doesn’t mean ignoring your child’s set back) and offering extra comfort when necessary, your child will get through this relatively quickly. You will be happy you stuck to it and remained consistent because at the end of it all, you will be successful and your child will be sleep trained and sleeping solidly.
How do you deal with extinction bursts?
There really are only 2 options of how to deal with an extinction burst: You can either:
Give up or keep going.
Here’s what both options will look like for you.
Giving up:
This means that you are throwing in the towel, assuming sleep training isn’t working or you just don’t want to deal with it and you resort back to old habits. You give into demands (bringing back the reinforcer we are working to get rid of) and you are essentially going back to square one.
You have not gained anything by going backwards or putting a pause on sleep training because you are still left with a baby who isn’t sleeping…
I don’t recommend doing this because the next time you try to sleep train, your baby will be that much older, that much wiser and will definitely cry a lot harder, then how will you deal with it?
Carrying on:
Means you are dealing with it and that you are moving forward with sleep training. You figure out a way to get your child past this bout of crying and you are NOT going to give into demands or resort back to old habits.
Doing this is highly recommended as this is the most effective and quickest way to get through a set back or extinction burst. This will teach your child that they are not going to be met with the old responses they were once met with.
I know it sounds harsh, but don’t worry, you aren’t expected to leave your child to protest alone, you can absolutely sit with him, help him calm down, etc…but you wanna be mindful not to resort back to old ways of getting your child to sleep or you will be right back to square one.
That’s all for now and I hope I’ve given you some clarity on the subject. See y’all later.
