Things I would do differently as a new mom

I wanted to write a blogpost just for all of the moms out there about things we we would potentially do differently if we had to start all over again. If we were given the chance to rewrite our story as first time moms, what would we change, implement or do differently?

So whether you have regrets or you would simply just do things a tad differently, I want to know! I’ve asked around and I’ve compiled a list of things that I for one would do differently, and things that other moms have said they would change as well.

So here goes…

1. Learn to trust myself more

   
   The first thing I would do differently is that I would learn to trust myself a whole lot more than I did when I first began my journey as a mom. I would value my own opinion, listen to it, not question it as much, trust my gut and try to feel more confident as a first time mom. I would also tell myself that with this new role, I was also given a good intuition and the ability to make good decisions for my children.

   Obviously it’s important to ask questions and ask for help, but it’s also equally Important to remember that we are moms, we were given a natural and strong intuition to be able to make good decisions and think on our feet.

   As first time moms it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and confused and totally lost with having a baby. it’s all so new, and adjusting to a new life, a new routine, learning tons of new things daily and having to adapt to life with a baby. It’s a lot, to say the least and it can make us really question ourselves and our ability to figure it all out. 

   But if I had to do it all over again, I would take a step back, take a deep breath, think of the task at hand so that I can think clearly and trust that I have good enough intuition to deal with whatever situation has come up or to make the right decision for my child.
   

2. I would not be shy to ask for more help and I would allow more people to help. 
   

   I know, I know, this ons is a tough one, especially if you are someone who likes to be on top of everything…all the time and if you are someone who cringes at the thought of asking for help. Or maybe you’re someone who feels like asking for help is a huge imposition and you just feel bad. Maybe you want to ask for help and you know you need it but you’re just not sure how to ask. Maybe you are someone who will feel totally incapable asking for help and you’re afraid to be perceived as someone who needs help. Maybe you don’t like being in a position of feeling vulnerable.

   There are so many reasons why people don’t or can’t ask for help and these are just a few of those reasons. 

   Looking back now, I would have definitely benefited tremendously from asking for more help and being a better delegator. I didn’t wanna bother anyone, I didn’t wanna seem like I couldn’t do it and I just felt too overwhelmed to put my needs first. 

   As I got older and had a few more kids, I did ask for more help, even though it was hard for me to, still is, and so not in my nature and I learned that people who care really want to help and they’re happy to do it, the same way I am happy to help others who need it. You can’t expect to do everything. All the time. And perfectly. So, ask for more help when you need it. Trust me. 
   

   And here is a small reminder for all of you moms out there…Asking for help doesn’t make you selfish, annoying, unworthy or incapable…

   It makes you a responsible parent who makes your needs a priority, knowing when you need someone to step in, knowing when you just can’t do it all, and knowing that asking for help will ultimately not only help you and your child but your entire family. 
   

3. I would implement good independent sleep skills from the start

   
   This one is probably the biggest thing I would change if I had to do it all over again.

   I see what a huge difference sleep training/shaping makes when you start from day one. I see it in my own children and in all of the beautiful babies I get to work with, and if I had known what a massive difference it would actually make I would have done this before anything else. 

   Implementing good sleep skills from the beginning would mean I’d have way more time for myself, for my spouse and for my other kids. I’d have a concrete schedule to rely on and a lot more predictability in my day. I’d also have a much happier baby who knew when he would eat, sleep, play, etc…

   If there’s one thing I try and teach my friends and clients it’s not to underestimate the amazing benefits of implementing good sleep habits from the start. 

4. I would learn to put my needs first and care more about myself.

   
   I guess you can say that being more selfish as a mom is something some of us need to learn to be…

   Many of us aren’t selfish enough, we let our buckets run on empty and we often forget to refuel. 
   

   Being a mom means we are in a constant state of doing, a constant state of caring and putting everyone else’s needs first, making sure everyone has what they need at all times, and in the process, forgetting about ourselves. I know this is a normal, natural occurrence of motherhood and this happens more often than not. It’s how we are programmed, it’s almost par for the course, but at the same time it can really rake its toll - especially when our tanks have a negative reserve.

   The non-stop constancy of motherhood and doing for everyone all the time seems fine and normal at fist, but then it kinda creeps up on you and one day you wake up and realize, hey, I haven’t done anything for myself in x amount of time. Or you may just realize the you are simply not doing enough for yourself. 

   It’s so easy to get lost in the shuffle of putting everyone’s needs first, And yes, sometimes we have to, and it’s even ok, but it’s also ok to decide when you need to fill your own bucket and meet your own needs before everyone else’s. 

   So if filling your tank means going out more often by yourself, getting a manicure, working out, asking for help, buying yourself a gift, meeting a friend, whatever it may be…do it. Helping yourself, putting yourself first will make you a happier mom, a more patient mom, a more loving mom and it will help you meet the needs of others a lot easier and without frustration and resentment and from a place of feeling fueled and content and cared for yourself.
   

5. I would try to enjoy my kids a lot more

   One thing I do remember about being a first a time mom is how much I kept wishing for the time to go by a bit faster. I felt like it was going by so slowly and it was really tough on me, especially because my first didn’t sleep well in the beginning. 
   
   If I had known how fast the baby stage goes by, I would have been more mindful about enjoying every moment with my kids because it truly goes by fast. Very, very fast. I get it, though, it’s hard to always have this mindset especially when motherhood means you are always on the go, always expected to care for everyone…all day long. In the moment it’s easy to wish the time away just so you can have some quiet, some space, some time for yourself, but remember that this stage is fleeting, they grow up quickly and then you will wish you could have that time back so you could enjoy it more.

That is my small list of things I would change. There are other things, of course, but these are the main ones, the ones most moms deal with and can relate to. I hope you’ve found it as helpful and eye-opening as I have.

So what would you do differently? Let me know.

If you have questions and concerns about your child’s sleep, feel free to send me a message or book a free discovery call so that I can answer all of your questions.