Common baby sleep expectations
Today we’re going to discuss common expectations that parents have when it comes to their baby’s sleep. It’s normal to have a perception or certain idea of what our children’s sleep should look like, especially after sleep training, but sometimes their sleep is not all we think it is or should to be.
Let’s jump right into it and see how we can adjust those expectations to be more realistic and ideal.
SO What are those expectations?
EXPECTATION #1
Expecting your child’s sleep training journey to look like everybody else’s.
You can’t expect your baby to make the exact same progress as your friend’s baby. Every child has their own unique sleep training journey, and how they make progress and reach the end of that journey is totally individualized. No 2 sleep training journeys are the same and no 2 outcomes are the same. There are things that affect one’s journey, too, like the method you use, your baby’s age, personality, their sleep set up, their unique sleep needs, etc…So if your neighbor’s or sister’s or cousins’s baby is progressing faster than yours or accomplishing something in their journey that your baby hasn’t yet…don’t worry. It’s ok and it’s normal. Each at their own speed and in their own way. Your baby Is doing what he/she is supposed to be doing throughout their journey and you can’t compare it to anyone else’s because it will never look exactly the same.
Expectation #2
Expecting baby to adhere to the exact schedule you want.
We can't expect babies to sleep and thrive on the exact schedule that we want for them. We have to meet them where they're at with sleep and learn when their most optimal time for sleep is. We do not want to choose an unrealistic bed time and wake time for them, especially if it is not appropriate for their age or doesn't align with their natural body clock. Yes, we can give them a push toward a certain timeframe, but we cannot enforce an exact schedule, bedtime and wake time.
So for example, say you really want your baby going to sleep at 8 or 9 pm, you’ve tried manipulating naps to accommodate the late bedtime and your baby is still falling on is face at 645 pm, then you are better off meeting your baby where he is. Your baby obviously cannot handle such a late bedtime and will thrive and sleep better going to bed when his body is ready. Naturally babies gravitate toward an earlier bedtime.
Expectation #3
Expecting baby to sleep a perfect 12 hours and take perfect naps.
Babies are not always going to sleep a perfect 12 hours at night. Some never do! Babies need about 10-12 hours a night and on average, a baby sleeps about 11-11.5 hours. We can't expect them to do more than the average, especially if they have lower seep needs. Their nighttime sleep goes in phases; some nights they’ll need 12 hours and some nights they’ll need less, and some babies never sleep longer than 10.5 hours and this is also normal, even after sleep training.
We also can't expect our babies to do perfect naps every day. Not all babies are going to nap for very long or need that much daytime sleep. Just because you sleep train your baby, does not mean they will all of a sudden start taking 2 hour naps those long 2 hour naps that we dream of. Many babies are fine with a 45 minute or even a one hour nap. Just like night time sleep, some days they’ll need more daytime sleep and sometimes less and it’s normal for it to fluctuate.
Expectation #4
Expecting your baby to sleep anywhere.
We cannot expect our babies to just fall asleep anywhere when we want them to, simply because more often than not, babies are inherently sensitive sleepers. This applies to babies who are sleep trained and also not sleep trained. You will notice that the older they get, the more difficult it is for them to fall asleep anywhere like they did when they were newborns. They’re more aware and alert of where they are sleeping, their surroundings and are easily distracted and overstimulated. This is usually when parents come to me, saying that they don’t know what changed, but their baby who used to sleep on-the-go is suddenly having difficulty doing that and want to know how to ‘fix’ it.
Obviously this is not to say that all babies are sensitive sleepers and can’t sleep anywhere, however, some are more sensitive than others and this is not something we can just snap our fingers and change about them.
Expectation #5
Expecting your baby’s sleep to look the same and be perfect all the time.
We certainly cannot expect our baby’s sleep to look the same or perfect all the time. Sleep is not linear, as we’ve mentioned in the past and sleep is constantly changing. Don’t panic! We all wake up at night whether we are aware of it or not.
Things naturally come up that can hinder sleep or cause wake ups, like growth spurt or illness, nightmares, teething, travel, etc…Babies will still wake up at night for all sorts of reasons even long after they’re sleep trained, so better to be prepared now and know that this is normal and expected, than to be disappointed or confused when this happens in the future.
Expectation #6
Expecting our newborns to sleep through the night or do very long, unrealistic stretches of sleep.
We cannot expect our newborn to sleep through the night or do very long, unrealistic stretches of sleep. Some babies are able to do longer stretches than others, and that’s normal. But in general, newborns are not developmentally ready to sleep through the night or eliminate night feedings too early. There are also factors that contribute to your baby being able to do longer stretches of sleep, like their overall health, weight, diet, etc…So please don’t try to sleep train your newborn too early! Always speak to your pediatrician if you think your baby is ready to do drop night feedings and sleep longer stretches.
