Tips for successful sleep training
Today I am going to give you ten super effective tips that will make your sleep training journey as smooth and successful as possible.
Let’s start with the first tip…
Tip number 1: be consistent
Consistency is key, everyone, and I don’t care how cliche that sounds. A lack of inconsistency in your approach and plan can cause something called intermittent reinforcement. You’re probably wondering what that is and I am going to share that info with you.
Intermittent reinforcement in regards to sleep training essentially means sending mixed messages to your child during the sleep training process which reinforces the crying behavior. It is something we are doing to reinforce more tears, prolong the process and ultimately confuse your child with different responses.
It’s the ‘sometimes’ issue…
Sometimes we go in after 2 minutes
Sometimes we go in after 15 minutes
Sometimes we pick up
Sometimes we don’t pick up
Sometimes we feed.
Sometimes we don’t.
Sometimes we give up.
Sometimes we continue on.
Sometimes we sit in the room
Sometimes we stay out of the room
And so on…
The issue with ‘sometimes’ is that your child can’t make sense of sometimes. Your child makes sense of clear, concise and consistent messages and this will yield the most success.
Intermittent reinforcement is not just about an inconsistency in your responses during sleep training but it can also be about too much interference, or the wrong kind of interference. I know this is a tough pill to to swallow because parents often think that the more responses the better, but that can really backfire. And I like to be very open about this when working with people. More often than not responding too much during sleep training is counterintuitive and reinforces the crying behavior and prolongs the process.
Going in and out of the room or getting up and down from your chair too often, especially without timed check-ins can really confuse your child and cause a lot of unnecessary tears. This can totally be prevented, though. And of course the type of comfort you’re offering depends on things like your child’s age and personality.
So whether you’re doing timed intervals from your chair in the room or from outside of the room, it’s better to interact as little as possible, as not to overstimulate or confuse your baby. You don’t wanna go in after a check in and start striking up a conversation with your baby or start offering comfort for too long, especially if it’s something we’re trying to wean your baby from. And I’m not saying you need to leave your baby to cry it out for hours in order to sleep train successfully, but I am saying to be mindful with your responses during sleep training. Find a good balance of responding and not interfering too much. Trust me!
tip number 2: Make sure your baby naps well the day you start sleep training, and start sleep training at night time.
A common question I hear from parents is, “when do we start sleep training?” And I have the answer for you…Preferably at night.
Starting sleep training at night is alway recommended as opposed to starting at nap time. The last thing you want to do is start sleep training a baby after a night of no sleep and horrible naps. You want to do your best to start after a day where your baby had decent naps and is well rested, not when they are exhausted, overtired and possibly sleep deprived, as many are before sleep training. A rested baby will result in an easier time sleep training and a much better night's sleep for your child - so do what you can do ensure some good naps that day!
Also, generally speaking, babies are much more tired and ready for sleep at night vs. the daytime so naturally you’ll have less resistance at night. Your baby is producing much more melatonin at night as opposed to during the day which is the main reason they’re so much more tired come nighttime.
Tip number 3: Make sure you have the correct bedtime before sleep training
There's nothing more counterproductive than having the wrong bedtime for your child, in general and during sleep training. Having the wrong bedtime can result in a lot of extra crying. Of course we are not aiming for a perfect bedtime, but an ideal & realistic one, after an appropriate wake window for your child, not too late & not too early. You also want to make sure you stick to that bedtime and to a more concrete schedule in general in order to help your baby adapt to a routine and regulate their body clock.
This is crucial, guys. I know I talked a ton on here about schedules and bedtimes and all that jazz, and by now I probably sound like a broken record, but this is really going to affect how your sleep training journey will go.
Getting the incorrect bedtime can result in a lot more tears at bedtime simply because your child either wasn’t ready for sleep and not tired enough or maybe the opposite it true; you put your baby down way too late and now they are wired and overtired. There is a science to choosing the correct bedtime, but thankfully simple science! We aren’t aiming for perfection, we’re aiming for ideal, realistic and conducive.
So things to consider when choosing a bedtime are:
The child’s wake window
When their last nap was
Making sure it’s not too early or not too late.
An average bedtime is around 7/730 but can be anywhere between 6-8 pm. I’ve always done earlier bedtimes at around 6/6:30 and it worked for me.
In addition to the correct bedtime, you want to make sure you stick to it! Obviously bedtime will vary slightly from night to night, give or take 30 minutes or so, but it should be approximately the same time every night.
Tip number 4: Stick to one schedule, wake time and bedtime
Schedules are important for many reasons, which I won’t go into right now, but sticking to a schedule will help your child adapt to a routine that much quicker and will help organize their sleep/wake patterns and regulate their body clock. You also want to have a consistent wake time in the morning as well, as this will set the day on a good foot and with consistent wake times, comes consistent naps and feedings and o course a bedtime.
Your child will sleep much better during and after sleep training with a concrete and reliable routine as opposed to a s schedule that varies too much.
Tip number 5: avoid saving naps
I generally don’t recommend saving naps especially during sleep training.
Saving naps in general and during sleep training is not recommended because you are essentially telling your child that they can try to figure it out on their own cry, fuss, call out, etc…but that at some point you will eventually save the nap and help them. So obviously I want nothing more than for you to to help your tired baby fall asleep, especially if it means preventing over-tiredness and you’ll have a much needed break and alone time, so I get it! But I really caution against it.
Saving naps can hinder the process, prolong it and reinforce a lot more tears than you may intend to. It’s the same concept of intermittent reinforcement, where you are doing something inevitably reinforcing a certain behavior.
Saving naps:
Takes away the opportunity for your child to learn to fall asleep independently
Confuses the child since your response at night may be different
Perpetuates a cat-napping cycle
Creates an expectation
Reinforces more tears
Creates a sleep crutch
And of course there are always some exceptions to saving naps. Once in a while, yes, it may be beneficial to save a nap, maybe for a very young infant who is really struggling and hasn’t napped all day and is now entering bedtime wildly overtired and screaming. Or maybe you have a baby who hasn’t napped all day and now they are going to be awake for an obscene amount of time before bedtime and you want to help them get in a few zzz’s to recoup. It’s ok if you absolutely need or want to help your child from time to time, but try your best to do this AFTER the sleep training process, after they have mastered the skill of falling asleep independently. Doing this while they are in the midst of learning is usually far from conducive and can set them back big time.
Tip number 6:Commit time at home during sleep training and avoid travel if possible
You don’t wanna be traveling out of of town or all over town when you’re trying to sleep train your little one. If we are trying to teach them how to sleep independent and sleep in their own sleep since, the best thing we can do for them is to be as homebound as possible.
Again, it boils down to consistency and familiarity. The more they sleep in their own crib and room, the quicker they will learn to love it, get used to it and adapt to a new routine.
Tip number 7: Don’t split nap and night time training.
I always recommend doing nap and nighttime training at the same time. Splitting them can often prolong the process and really confuse your child, especially since you are doing one thing at night and something totally different for naps. Again, you want to deliver a clear, concise and consistent message across the board so that your child knows what to expect and what to rely on during sleep training.
So many people are under the impression that sleep training is going to be a very strenuously long process and they feel they’re doing their child a service by splitting day and night training with the aim of being more gentle on their child, but really they’re doing a disservice.
Why?
Because you think you’re helping your child by giving in and helping them to sleep for naps and giving them a break so to speak, but all you’re really doing is confusing your child…tremendously. Remember intermittent reinforcement? This applies here, too! You’re essentially doing one thing for naps, and responding totally differently for nighttime and you’re also expecting your baby to make sense of this and even be ok with it. But that’s asking a lot from your child. How are they supposed to make sense of you doing one thing for naps and one thing for bedtime?
So if parents are adamant about splitting the training, I go with it because I want to meet my parents in the middle, but they usually see that this is not the most conducive approach. You may be lucky with a super easy going baby who is fine with this type of sleep training, but usually I find that it prolongs the process and causes a lot of unnecessary tears and confusion.
So if you’re splitting nap and night training and you’re wondering why sleep training is not working for you, consider that your child may be very confused with the process.
Tip number 8: Make sure your baby eats well and has proper, full feedings before starting sleep training.
Babies need to be eating adequately in order to sleep well. A baby who is not satiated and not having proper feedings/meals throughout the day will have difficulty settling to sleep or staying asleep, and this can really hinder the sleep training process. If your baby has a feeding schedule, great, if not, either implement one or just ensure that they are getting the recommended amount of calories/food for their age.
You cannot expect to sleep train a baby who is not well fed - it will just produce a lot of tears and prolong the process. So, make sure your baby has a feeding schedule or at least eating adequately throughout for his/her age and so that you can sleep train your baby with peace of mind that they’re not hungry when you start the process.
Tip number 9: Make sure your baby eats well and has proper, full feedings before starting sleep training.
This tip is really going to help you guys! It’s something I see parents do so often and I always caution against it.
I know it's tempting to put your baby down fast asleep, even just one time. Just for one nap or one bedtime, but try to avoid that temptation because it will set you back during sleep training. Putting your baby down fast asleep is contradictory to what you are trying to teach your little one and the more you put them down awake, the quicker they will learn to fall asleep independently and stay asleep.
Not only are you taking away the opportunity for them to learn to fall asleep independently, but you’re also making it impossible to learn how to fall back asleep when they wake in the middle of the night.
Remember, babies want you to recreate the way they fell asleep so they’ll expect it from there on out every time they go to sleep, whether for naps or nighttime and when they wake at night. So if they’re used to being rocked to sleep and you rock to sleep at the start of the night, they’ll expect that very same thing when they have night wakings or for naps.
If they happen to fall asleep in your arms during a feeding, ok, let it slide, maybe adjust the feeding earlier to avoid that. It happens. But try to be very consistent about HOW you’re putting your little one to sleep because this is the fastest way to teach them how to fall asleep independently and be successful with sleep training.
Tip number 10: Be confident:
Confidence is crucial for success in your seep training journey. First and foremost you need to be whole with your decision to sleep train and you need to feel confident about it as well. It needs to make sense to you so that it makes sense to your child as well. Remember, that if you are not 100 percent sure of what you’re doing or why, and if you are not following through, your baby won’t be able to make sense of it either. So be confident that sleep training is the right thing for you and your baby and you will be able to follow the plan and see results!
That’s a wrap on sleep training tips and I hope you find them as helpful as others do.
